Thursday, 17 April 2008

Attention Spammers... I'm a dog.. but not a stupid dog!!

No-one ever e-mails me, so imagine my delight when i saw I had a message waiting for me!! I was so excited I almost peed on the laptop!

this was my e-mail...

FROM: MR.WILLIAM MUYEKE
DESK OF CHAIRMAN
Sub-Committee on Finance
South African World Cup bid 2010
24 Steven Bikko Blvrd Pretoria,
Republic Of South Africa.
Tel : +27-72-587-0437
Email: w_muyeke@hotmail.co.uk

Attn: Sir,

Greetings you must be aware now that my country The Republic of South Africa won the bid to host the world cup by 2010,prior to this bid my committee was mandated to lobby the members of board of Federation
International Football Association (FIFA) on selection of the country to host the world, the bidding was intensive but at the end we got the hosting right. Mycommittee was given the sum of $29 million dollars to lobby the members of the FIFA ruling body to make sure that we win the hosting
right considering the gain that comes with the hosting right like South Africa?s economy will receive a massive direct boost from hosting the 2010 World Cup,
financial impact report for South Africa's World Cup bid committee shows that the 2010 World Cup will pump R21.3-billion into South Africa's economy, and creating an estimated 159 000 new jobs.With the help the living legend of our time 89-year-old Nobel Peace Prize winner Dr.Nelson Mandela who made an emotive case for The Republic of South Africa, we got the bid without spending all the money, I and my committee members saw this as a God sent opportunity to secure our future and that of our family therefore was mandated by other committee members to look for a
way to move the remaining money to a safe place with the help of a foreigner who we can trust and is ready to assist us to move the funds considering the fact that we are still members of the bid committee and in the eyes of the public. we have in our possession the sum $21millon since we spent just $8million for lobbying.We are ready to give you 20% for all your assistance then me and my colleagues will keep 80% lf you are willing kindly reply to my letter for further directive. we will want to invest our share into Real-estate and air taxi business in your country with your assistance,bearing in mind that confidentiality is of great essences so is time in this project I will await your response.

Best Regards,

Mr.William Muyeke.

All responses should be sent to: w_muyeke@hotmail.co.uk



Now I may be a dog.. but I clearly I have slightly more grey matter between the ears than Mr Muyeke.

This is my reply...


Dear Mr Muyeke,



Re: your e-mail dated 16th April 2008 (URGNET PLEA FOR ASSISTANCE {this is not spam}



before i respond to the content of the e-mail please may i point out that URGNET is not a word recognised in the english dictionary.. am I to assume that you mistyped and actually meant urgent? Sorry to be so anal, but if you are asking me to deal with you in respect of millions of dollars then I would feel far more comfortable about it if you could at least use a spell checker when corresponding with me!



Now down to business..



Whilst I would just love to assist you I think there are a few points that I need you to clarify first.



Now as I am in the UK.. dollars are no good to me so lets talk British Pounds, doing a few calculations in my head, you have a sum of 21 million dollars, which roughly equates to £10,661,522.. you want to keep 80% ofthat so I am looking at a figure of £2,132,304 for my trouble. Now I don't want to seem ungrateful.. but that seems rather imbalanced. So before I could consider finalising any assistance to you my financial advisor insists that renumeration must be at least £3.5 million (taking in to account the low value of the US dollar and the approaching credit crunch in the UK)

Now lets assume that you are prepared to accept these terms.. there are a few other issues which I would need further claification on.

You say that you would use the remaining money to invest in Real Estate and Air Taxi business in my country. Firsly the housing market is in a slump and downward slide so this would be a very unwise investment, it worrys me somewhat that you have clearly not researched matters to any great degree.

Although you don't clarify as such in your email, I assume that the arrangement would require me to have some kind of bank acount .. now this may present a HUGE problem as I have no bank account and am not in a position to obtain one.

Also, although you again do not clarify this, I assume that in order for me to "assist" you and be rewarded with a chunk of your millions you will require me to make some kind of Western Union money transfer to you, for legal papers etc.. This could be a problem as I don't actually have any money, not a bean, not a penny, not a dime.

Ok I'm done messing with you now.. let me spell it out to you

You see the fundamental point that you missed when you decided to SPAM me with your very obvious and rather pathetic attempt at a scam was that I am a dog.. albeit a dog who clearly has more greymatter between the ears than you and your little scammer friends.

My e-mail is only posted in one place.. A DOG BLOG.. therein you see was the clue.. that I-AM-A-DOG.. how many dogs do you know that have the facilities at their paws to launder money??? Maybe you knew I was a dog.. Maybe you have finally realised that 99.9% of the populating humans of this planet will never fall for that scam so you have decided to target us canines (wrongly assuming we are less inelligent) To save you the time and effort.. I will tell you now that we can sniff out rotten meat a mile away and probably have more intelligence than you could ever hope for.

I am going to hazard a guess that you haven't read this far.. already moved onto the next would-be victim... but just in case you did.. a little heads up.. I would get rid of that e-mail address pronto.. I have a funny feeling that you may be getting a little more mail to it than you bargained for!



THE DOG.


*sigh.. thats 30 minutes of my life I will never get back!!

Turbo.. go sic em!!


Ben xxxx

20 comments:

Mack said...

You tell em Ben!

FleasGang said...

I hope you don't mind Ben, but we took Mr. Muyeke up on his offer and now we're ROLLIN' in dog kibble and chewies! ;-)


luv
The Fleas

BenTheRotti said...

Not at all Fleas.. just don't blame me when the feds get ya and sieze all your ill gained kibble and chewies!!

hehehe

Ben xxxx

Candi said...

he he he you didn't think too long about it then..... you tell them Ben. Paw united lol

CoCo said...

Ben you sure did give him a piece of you mind! Good job!

CoCo

Lorenza said...

Well done!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

happy said...

Bravo, Ben! Well said!

Abby said...

Yeah, You tell em Ben! Awesome email....probably took a lot of time...honey, you are so smart...I probably would have accidentally skipped over the urnet!

~Abby, <3

Lady Kaos said...

Way to go Ben!! That was a great reply!
Kaos

Lady Kaos said...

Ben, I just had to nominate you for post of the month at DWB. It was just too funny not to!!!
Kaos

Sparky said...

HA! Man, this post made my day, Ben. You gave him a great reply!

I hope you have a grrrreat weekend!

Sparky

The Zoo Crew said...

I, too, think this is worthy of post of the month! Way to tell 'em!

Kai

Super Boy & Baby-Licious said...

Ben,

That is a good one! Great job!

Love
Boy n Baby

Jake of Florida said...

Yay Ben!!!

Now you have to take on all the scammers from Nigeria and other countries...

We loved the ending -- Sir, I am a dog!!!

Jake and Just Harry

Chef said...

And it took a doggy to put a spammer in his place! Yay for you, Ben!!

xoxo Chef

Pippa said...

Oh I wish I could write like that. Hmm. I don't want a clever rival you know.

Pippa (I might need to rethink this rival stuff - I don't want to be shown up)

Turbo the Sibe said...

Ben, Mr. Muyeke is so stupid, he is beyond help!

However, I am so impressed with your skills that I would like to put you in my administration when I become president. Perhaps Commerce Secretary, or Chairdog of the Federal Reserve Bank?

The Aphasia Decoder.... said...

I can't believe anyone falls for those kinds of emails but people are duked out of their cash all the time. My human forbids me from posting my email address anywhere on the web because, she said, there is something called a crawler that looks for them. I don't know what a crawler is but it sounds like something with lots of legs like a centipede.

Fenway said...

Ben--
There are lists that claim the border collie is the smartest breed.

Well...either they are wrong, you are an honorary border collie—or most likely— they have NOT MET BEN THE ROTTIE.

You are a very wise and sage dog. I will try and figure out the part about opening a bank account. If I can, perhaps we can toy with Mr. Muyeke for a while. Sounds like fun!

Asta said...

Ben
I loved evewy wowd of youw weply!!! You awe so clevew and ewudite..hehehe
What a dope that man is..Does anyone fall fow this stuff??
I guess Doggies awe smawtew than hoomans.
Congwatulations on youw post of the momf!
smoochie kisses
Asta