can you see my halo?? is the glare from it blinding you?
well it should be, because according to Mum & Dad I am an ANGEL.. a perfectly behaved ANGEL!! (someone document that for future notation please!)
Why you ask?? well for one reason..
THE FUZZBRAT AKA STEALTH PUPPY
What has she done now?? I hear you cry! Well unfortunatley I don't have the time or bandwith to list every misdemeanour she is guilty of, but to give you a general idea I will list some of her more
Firstly she has single handedly destroyed my entire toy collection! For 14 months I have been building up an awesome collection of balls, wubbas, kongs, tug ropes, stuffies, frisbees etc.. in all that time I have only ever destroyed my frisbees (and when I say destroyed I mean played with them and buried them until they were slightly bedraggled and dirty and therefore got replaced) In two weeks Millie has managed to rip/tear/marmalise/de-construct/murder/pulverise/shred/defile EVERY toy I own! Including my treasured HUGE Lobster and Crab that were last years Easter gifts, My purple Mr Monkey that was my homecoming gift and every single other toy I own! Mum did offer to replace them all for me.. but lets face it.. whats the point???
We all know about the shoe destruction.. well that hasn't eased up any, so every two legged in the house (including visitors) now has to de-shoe upon entering the house and lock their shoes in a cupboard - LITERALLY! As for slippers... well forget it.. she will try to eat them while they are wearing them (I kid you not) or destroy them the second they remove them from their feet.
So now we have two leggeds walking around the house bare footed (did I mention she tries to eat socks off their feet too??) Now bare footed two leggeds opens up a whole new world of entertainment for her.. the *lets place items that will be painful to stand on in their paths* kind of entertainment. So pine cones/sticks/rocks (to name but a few) are retrieved from her outdoor stash of torture equipment and strategically placed in just the right place, at just the right time to ensure at least one of the four 2 leggeds gets a painful surprise!
Now onto the counter surfing antics.. and again this is only the tip of the iceberg, (the actual full list of counter surfing incidents could run for several blog posts or more!!).
If Mum blinks (yes she is that fast) then Millie will have obtained something from the kitchen counters/dining table/any other surface in the house.. you name it she has stolen it, with the stealth of the invisible man and the speed of light!
Cookies/uncooked pizza/plastic bottles/kitchen utensils/sponges/rolls of foil etc etc .. if it is within her reach she will take it, if Mum is distracted for more than the blink of an eye then she will destroy it.
The Lilli Factor... poor Lilli seems to be bearing the brunt of the fuzzbrats mischief. Firstly the majority of footwear destroyed has been Lilli's. Today she pulled of the ultimate crime against her. Lilli came home from school clutching a little pot, hand decorated with wobbly eyes and a big smiley face and sprouting a wonderful head of Cress. Grown by her own fair hand at school. On arrival at home the pot was placed in (what so far has been) a fuzzbrat free zone. a place that even Mum has difficulty reaching! Within minutes the question was asked.. "where is my cress??" within a few seconds of the question being asked suspicious eyes were looking at the fuzzbrat. She lay (looking as innocent as a newborn) in the dining room with a "who me??" look on her face. For a second Mum questioned her sanity.. had she actually put it elsewhere, I mean the fuzzbrat looked so innocent.. no-one had seen her even move, there was no suspicious evidence to suggest mischief of any kind. Yup.. for a few blissful minutes Mum assumed that she was in fact losing her marbles.. that she has reached the age of forgetfullness and was full of hope that the lovingly reared pot of Cress was safe somewhere .. if only Mum could remember where that somewhere was! Her delusions were shattered a few minutes later when an empty mangled pot devoid of any contents was discovered in the garden. The Cress had indeed been subjected to the full Stealth Puppy Attack treatment.. how? when? these are questions that may never be answered. She hasn't even revealed how she manages to be so destructive so quickly and silently even to me!
Now onto the element of mystery destruction.
Mystery destruction is Mum finding strange unidentified remains of an unknown object (this also happens a lot) We have no idea what she has destroyed, where she got it, how she managed it in the three seconds we were not looking ... I think this mystery destruction is the one that drives Mum the most crazy.
If ever there was a walking advertisment for reasons NOT to get a puppy then Millie is the four legged version of it.
So.. is she going back.. has Mum finally got sick of the new grey hairs (the hairs she hasn't pulled out yet that is) ???
Nope!! because despite the absolute hair-tearing/sanity testing/frankly exhausting exploits we all LOVE HER!
She loves her cuddles and kisses (though she really needs to learn that leaping on Mum at 4.40 am and then sitting on her and licking her face isn't the greatest of ideas.. there are times to be loving and times to let the exhausted old dear sleep!!)
She has the most adorable face (which is fortunate because no-one can stay mad with her when she is bratish and lets face it thats 99% of the time)
She is gentle as a lamb (as long as you are a living creature.. any objects are just asking to be destroyed) and greets everyone like they are her best friend in the whole world.
She is comical and makes us all laugh
Mum says puppys are all about patience and training and that eventually Millie will learn doggy etiquette, but for now her puppyness should be embraced and considered as something we will all look back on and laugh about.. (yeah yeah Mum - I believe you but are you trying to convince me or yourself??)
I'm just wondering what colour rinse to buy Mum for her hair.. that grey really isn't a good look!
Tomorrow I will post some pics of destruction.. AND I will post pics of me opening TWO parcels that arrived for me this week! (Mum needs to get them all off the camera.. she forgot.. but I forgave her since she is a little traumatised today!)
and PeeeS.. I know it's April 1st but I promise you none of the above is an April Fools.. She really is that bratish!!